the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
