my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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