I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
