i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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