im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
