Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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