This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
