Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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