I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
