i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
