"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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