How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize