hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
