You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
