she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
