Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Never underestimate the power of titties
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
