We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
they're like a gay fantastic four
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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