he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
