I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i now understand why vodka
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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