i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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