he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
