I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
