Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
