i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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