he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
