just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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