Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I sprained my soul last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
