There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize