He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
