Don't you send me to vm
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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