I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
