on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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