put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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