I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
