She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
