We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize