i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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