It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
