Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize