I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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