Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
