I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
