There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Green mimosas i think yes
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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