38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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