Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
