oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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