I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
