What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
