im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
