Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
