just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize