If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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