i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
