There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
