If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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