She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
