We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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