Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
