kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
