May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
