Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
