if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
