I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
