u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize