guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
