Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
