Kiss
Puke
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
