im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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