everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
