he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
