Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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